Coming out of a mild but persistent depression I’ve been stuck in since at least May, maybe even April. As awful as the deep depressive episodes are, I think I hate the mild ones even more, because while I’m not miserable, I end up wasting months of time feeling lethargic and directionless before I *realize* I’m depressed and start climbing out. It’s time I could be writing, or singing, or fixing the myriad of small problems around the house, etc. Months go by and I have nothing to show for it except a moderately clean house and anxiety over why I’m not writing more.
Writing has actually helped me get out of it. I really put the pressure on myself to get back to rewriting Nevermore (which is going pretty well so far, thank you for asking) and the whole process of diving back into that has reinvigorated me in so many ways.
I’m still a little adrift – taking a year and a half off Life to take care of a disabled parent tends to throw people off their grooves – but I have a plan now. I’m going back to school to get my degree in art history. I’m going to start therapy to deal with my daddy issues and my self-sabotaging tendencies. I’m actively getting out of the house and taking Mom with me so we don’t go stir crazy. I’ve started an exercise routine and I’m meditating.
My life is a work in process but I’m *working* on it again after a long period of just… floating by.
Hopefully, therapy will help me recognize these periods sooner so I don’t get stuck for so long, just wondering what’s wrong with me. Until that gets started, though, I’m going to enjoy feeling productive again and keep the fire going as long as I can.