This is why I keep my full skype name a sekrit

For better or for worse, I’m in the same history class as my friend Jo’s boyfriend. Last night, he attacked me on her skype profile to ask me about homework. Then, realizing he now knew my skype name, he friended me. Like everyone else who chats with me for an extended period of time, he was sucked into my crazy.

After helping him with our homework and discussing the likelihood of my becoming a cosmonaut and/or conquistador:

[2/7/2011 8:35:28 PM] B: Thank you you are my hero
[2/7/2011 8:36:02 PM] Maria: i demand the finest tea in all the land as suitable reimbursement for my services
[2/7/2011 8:36:18 PM] B: I don’t know about finest but how about “finest”?
[2/7/2011 8:36:38 PM]  Maria: meh. whatever works. it’s tea.
[2/7/2011 8:36:42 PM] B: 😀
[2/7/2011 8:41:57 PM] Maria:
[2/7/2011 8:42:32 PM] B: oh boy…
[2/7/2011 8:47:44 PM] B: That’s ridiculous.
[2/7/2011 8:47:53 PM] Maria: MUPPETS!!
[2/7/2011 8:48:22 PM] B: …yes.
[2/7/2011 8:48:36 PM] Maria: 😀
[2/7/2011 8:48:49 PM] B: You, madam, are a lunatic.
[2/7/2011 8:49:49 PM] Maria: well yes
[2/7/2011 8:50:02 PM] B: glad we agree
[2/7/2011 8:50:05 PM] Maria: i’m friends with your girlfriend. this is to be expected
[2/7/2011 8:50:11 PM] B: true
[2/7/2011 8:50:18 PM] B: wait
[2/7/2011 8:50:21 PM] B: what are you trying to say
[2/7/2011 8:50:29 PM] B: You’re her friend but I’m *dating* her
[2/7/2011 8:50:47 PM] B: …are you calling me a lunatic
[2/7/2011 8:50:51 PM] B: *shakes a fist*
[2/7/2011 8:50:51 PM] Maria: ((smirk))

Some time later…

[2/7/2011 11:44:52 PM] B: Are you still procrastinating?
[2/7/2011 11:45:28 PM] Maria: of course. i’m done homework for the night, so i’m chilling
[2/7/2011 11:46:08 PM] B: You would.
[2/7/2011 11:46:10 PM] B: Hmph.
[2/7/2011 11:46:25 PM] Maria: jealous?
[2/7/2011 11:46:28 PM] B: A little.
[2/7/2011 11:46:31 PM] B: I have a Jo, though. So I think I win.
[2/7/2011 11:47:00 PM Maria: to each their own. *eats nachos and watches videos*
[2/7/2011 11:47:44 PM] B: I WANT NACHOS
[2/7/2011 11:47:46 PM] B: Oh my god
[2/7/2011 11:47:48 PM] B: I love nachos
[2/7/2011 11:47:51 PM] B: I love tortilla chips
[2/7/2011 11:47:53 PM] B: and I love cheese
[2/7/2011 11:49:30 PM] Maria: these are the things that make up nachos and make them great
[2/7/2011 11:50:03 PM] B: You should bring me nachos.
[2/7/2011 11:50:33 PM] Maria: but then i would have less nachos for myself1
[2/7/2011 11:50:51 PM] B: That is true, but you would feel wonderful inside.
[2/7/2011 11:51:21 PM] Maria: i dunno. nachos make me feel pretty damn wonderful all on their own
[2/7/2011 11:51:32 PM] Maria: and my joy in them would be less if i had to share
[2/7/2011 11:51:54 PM] B: But you would have heart-joy from sharing.
[2/7/2011 11:52:03 PM] B: Sharing is caring, and I know you care.
[2/7/2011 11:53:12 PM] Maria: you obviously don’t know me very well
[2/7/2011 11:53:25 PM] B: Hrmph.
[2/7/2011 11:53:31 PM] B: I know deep down you’re a kind, sharing soul.
[2/7/2011 11:55:00 PM] Maria: have you not seen my skype status?
[2/7/2011 11:55:06 PM] B: Oh I have.
[2/7/2011 11:56:43 PM] B: It’s more like I’m trying to convince you of it.

An appeal to his girlfriend:

[2/7/2011 11:56:22 PM] Maria: jo, your boyfriend seems to think I have a caring soul. please inform him as to the truth
[2/7/2011 11:57:06 PM] Jo: I told him he waqs insane and that you were an evil evil person
[2/7/2011 11:57:11 PM] Jo: but he still dosnt get it
[2/7/2011 11:57:26 PM] Maria: do i have to kick a puppy in front of him?
[2/7/2011 11:57:31 PM] Maria: a retarded puppy?
[2/7/2011 11:57:33 PM] Maria: in the rain?
[2/7/2011 11:57:38 PM] Jo: yes
[2/7/2011 11:58:12 PM] Maria: bogdammit, my puppy kicking shoes need to be polished up first
[2/7/2011 11:58:24 PM] Jo: its ok

And back to the boy…

[2/7/2011 11:57:47 PM] B: NOT A PUPPY!!!!
[2/7/2011 11:58:34 PM] Maria: OH YES A PUPPY
[2/7/2011 11:58:41 PM] Maria: ((devil))
[2/7/2011 11:59:00 PM] B: You are EVIL
[2/7/2011 11:59:00 PM] B: In a kind, caring sort of way.
[2/7/2011 11:59:28 PM] Maria: but not sharing. not when it comes to nachos
[2/7/2011 11:59:35 PM] B: Hrmph. I’m mildly offended.
[12:00:02 AM] Maria: only mildly? damn, I’m losing my edge.
[12:00:08 AM] B: Only mildly.
[12:00:14 AM] B: Because I simply don’t get offended.
[12:01:32 AM] Maria: i see. you’ve been sent by the power that be to test my skills, sharpen them, and prepare them for the great and glorious battle that awaits me. it shall be an honor engaging you in combat
[12:01:45 AM] B: *bows*

[12:00:29 AM] Maria: how is it that I get in these types of conversations with your male friends?
[12:01:32 AM] Jo: i have no clue
[12:02:03 AM] Maria: it’s weird
[12:02:34 AM] Jo: i know

And final thoughts from our trained experts…

[12:04:56 AM] Sekrit Emu: He seems kind of epic from the conversation.
[12:05:11 AM] Maria: just a little bit.
[12:07:19 AM] Sekrit Emu: He gets points. #approves
[12:07:31 AM] Sekrit Emu: Certainly less douchey than her old one.
[12:07:36 AM] Maria: oh god yes
[12:08:08 AM] Maria: b has the signs of a functioning brain. y (the ex) was…well, nature preservists put animals like him out of their misery
[12:09:11 AM] Sekrit Emu: For a reason.

And then we all went to sleep. The End.


About Morgan Maria D'Isidoro

Morgan Maria D'Isidoro has lived in Baltimore, MD for most of her life, saving a handful of failed escape attempts. Given the murder rates, she'll probably die here too. Morgan is a writer of speculative fiction and poetry, a musician of dubious quality, cat aficionado, art history fangirl, kitchen sorceress, recovering pyromaniac, accomplished liar, and an all around person of questionable employability.
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2 Responses to This is why I keep my full skype name a sekrit

  1. Cassandra says:

    Now I am afraid to talk to you on Skype. Probably as it should be.

    • I’d like to tell you that you have nothing to fear, but that’s because I’m a lying liar who lies. Liefully.

      You can still talk to me, though! Just don’t be funny. Or entertaining. Or in anyway yourself.

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