November Horrorscopes

Come and read the horoscopes they didn’t want you to know about.

Aquarius

Your roommates say they love your new haircut, but you know they’re lying. However, the stars foretell that your plan to sneak into their rooms, cut off their hair, and make a wig will only end in tears.

Pisces

In the wake of Balloon Boy, your planned flight across the American Midwest in a home-made dirigible will not go over well. Rolling along Route 66 in one of those giant hamster balls still has potential though.

Aries

Beware public transportation this month. The Turkey Jihad begins.

Taurus

Stay away from the barn lounge. The zombie squirrels have returned and are lying in wait to steal your lunch money and net book.

Gemini

Your love of show tunes will be surprisingly helpful during that pop quiz in Studies in Mythology next week.

Cancer

The stars say not to worry; your Thanksgiving turkey will turn out perfect. The pie is a bad idea though. A VERY bad idea. Also, the cake is a lie.

Leo

No, they’re not coming back. The stars want you to quit asking.

Virgo

Your attempt to hijack a float and start a dance party at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade will not make you the new Ferris Beuler. You will instead be dubbed “Balloon Boy 2: Helium Boogaloo” after an angry mob ties you to the Pikachu balloon and lets go.

Libra

The stars say “Please ask again later.”

Scorpio

We know what you’re thinking: was that hottie you kissed at the MFS Halloween Bash really a girl? Only her plastic surgeon knows for sure.

Sagittarius

Your new lab partner is really cute. The stars hope it’s enough to save them from your wrath when they turn out to be dumber than toast and you’re stuck carrying their work load.

Capricorn

Your letter from Hogwarts is going to arrive next week!


Once again, I completely ignore my homework in favor of blogging. At least this kind of counts as school work… sort of… in a manner of speaking. :3

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About Morgan Maria D'Isidoro

Morgan Maria D'Isidoro has lived in Baltimore, MD for most of her life, saving a handful of failed escape attempts. Given the murder rates, she'll probably die here too. Morgan is a writer of speculative fiction and poetry, a musician of dubious quality, cat aficionado, art history fangirl, kitchen sorceress, recovering pyromaniac, accomplished liar, and an all around person of questionable employability.
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